The Long Recovery After a Horrible Seizure

When you get really sick, the dynamic around you will change. Your won't be the same. The whole vibe within your home or your community or even yourself – it feels different.

Recently, I had the biggest seizure that I can ever remember.

You see, "remember" ... I'll use that term loosely. Because with epilepsy, "remembering" can be particularly hard. Thank god for notepads, my phone, and my whiteboard.

When a seizure is particularly bad

During this particularly difficult time with my epilepsy, I underwent a significant change in doctors, medications, and treatment scheduling – which were overwhelming. Despite this, I found comfort in writing and watching movies, whether they made me laugh or cry. They became a way to distract myself from the discomfort. Some movies also helped me fall asleep.

My daily life ultimately changed after this particularly horrible seizure, too. Including my mental state. Years ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. And I do feel like I've always had both, unfortunately.

The aftermath: anxiety, depression, and insomnia

But, for weeks after a massive seizure, my anxiety and depression are beyond. Down to the paranoia of not wanting to be alone... but wanting to be alone and asking where everyone is going because you won't be alone... And feeling terrified of losing your life, even in the most comfortable space – your room.

While recovering from a bad seizure, I also have to start over with trying to have a decent sleep schedule. Getting sleep can be so hard. I pace my activities like using any type of screen, including my beloved laptop.

So scared I'll have another seizure

This experience also showed me who was really worried about me and who I had to chase down to tell them, "Yes, I'm alive." And more and more paranoia, loneliness, anxiety, depression, and, oh yes – finally admitting that it wasn't just a lack of sleep, but insomnia and exhaustion.

And it's accepting that I have to start over – even if it was from last week. Recovering from another seizure. Trying to get back to myself. Worry... exhaustion... uncertainty.

Recovering and finding strength

But we have to find strength to move forward. It's challenging, especially when we have a lot to do in our fast-paced lives. But we can do it.

An epileptic episode sneaks in when it wants to. It can feel random, and it can throw us off completely. But we recover – we move forward.