After the death of my Dad

I was on my way to Italy, at the airport and walking on the plane, I had a physical collapse, then a very bad seizure, my son was with me and I kept repeating I have to go to him, he’s not eating, he’s dying - 3 days later he died - I was taken to hospital and stayed overnight then went home, my husband stayed with me all night, but I went into a bad depression for 3 weeks then I got angry at myself for letting my son see me like this - kicked myself in the butt and kept going - we all need to be strong and keep going - I really feel for you all we all know how bad we feel but we can go on I know we can! What motivates you to keep going?