Writing a Memoir: Digging up Memories

“I’m pleased to report that I presented your proposal to our faculty committee and the project has been approved for a full contract.”

A huge smile spread across my face when these words popped up in my email inbox. For 2 years I had worked tirelessly on writing my first book– a memoir about my journey with epilepsy– and my goal was to find a publisher.

I knew it was a long shot because I had never written a book. My journalism background was in broadcast TV news, so I was used to producing news stories that were anywhere from 90 seconds to 3 minutes. My PBS documentary “Brainstorm” captured part of my journey with epilepsy, but it was impossible to share everything in 55 minutes because it included 2 other families. I never intended to write a memoir, but my sister pushed me quite a few times to do it, so I finally picked up a pencil.

I'm so glad I did.

Beginning the writing process

Once I started writing, the words started flowing, sentences turned into paragraphs, and paragraphs turned into pages. The jamais vu I experienced while running, the heart arrhythmia discovery, the B-17 ride as a rookie reporter, the knife slicing through my arm during a seizure, and the words “bizarre, unique, and unusual” my epileptologist used to describe my seizures, walking over a busy interstate overpass without a sidewalk to get to work, losing my career to a seizure, and my elation after learning I was a candidate for brain surgery all came spilling out.

My notebook quickly filled up, and a few times, so did my eyes, with tears. The more I wrote, the more I began to realize how much epilepsy had taken over my life and stressed out loved ones.

Realizing my seizures ruined memories

Seizures had destroyed far more memories than I had realized, and most of them were episodic memories, which devastated me. I can only remember a few stories from the thousands I produced over my 7 year career as a reporter.

Childhood birthday parties, school dances, and family holidays exist only in pictures. Sporting events from high school and college are a blank slate, and sports had been my life. Tennis, basketball, and track had packed my calendar for years, but the only things I can recall now are what my school's basketball and tennis courts looked like. Actual competitions, practices, bus rides, and spaghetti dinners? No clue.

Because I could not rely on memory, I depended on family, friends, former co-workers, my medical records and my personnel file to fill in the details. My medical records brought up tons of questions and I wanted the answers.

Getting answers about my epilepsy

Educating readers was important to me because better understanding seizures makes them less scary. I approached three epileptologists: My doctor— Dr. Jessica Winslow at Minnesota Epilepsy Group; Dr. Edward Bertram, professor of neurology at the University of Virginia and current secretary general of the International League Against Epilepsy; and Dr. Arthur Cukiert, professor of neurosurgery at the University of Sao Paulo and head of the Epilepsy Surgery Program at Clinica Cukiert in Sao Paulo, Brazil. They explained to me how seizures spread, create strange behaviors and mood disorders, and destroy memories.

One of my questions got a very unexpected answer. When I asked Dr. Winslow why my remote memory was so bad, she brought up the possibility that I could have been having subclinical seizures prior to my first big seizure in college. Subclinical seizures showed up on one of my EEGs, so they started at some point.

Becoming a published author

Once the first draft was complete, I turned to Reedsy – a website with professional editors– and submitted my book. To my surprise, a handful of editors wrote back right away with proposals. I picked an editor, and after a few weeks, she emailed me back the manuscript with a lot of great advice, and I spent the next month making changes.

Then I sent a query letter to the one publisher who I hoped would take a chance on me— The University of Minnesota Press. They accepted the query, asked for the book proposal, then asked for the entire manuscript. After a month of nervous anticipation, the email came.

After a little happy dance, I called my sister in Berlin, then the rest of my family. They shared in my excitement. The book went through another edit, then copyediting, and now, copies of my memoir are being printed. "Racing Uphill: Confronting a Life with Epilepsy" will be in bookstores on July 1st, 2025!